Hilarious moments from the Andaman Nicobar police life


Usage of slip-shod English often gives it a tinge of circuitous twist, sometimes a rare blending of hilarity. major component of Andaman & Nicobar Police, composed of men from the state of Bihar and eastern Uttar Pradesh, possessing a fairly poor knowledge of written and spoken English.

“Most versatile persons (Jugaadi) are those who have access to limited resources and yet can still function marvelously”, this saying could be befittingly applied to these police personnel. They could make good use of their communicative skills to its optimum level, be it native Hindi or even alien English. Here are a couple of examples illustrating an hilarious use of English.

Pedal bicycles were the most popular form of official transport for most of these policemen. This was mainly on account of lack of resources, absence of proper roads to inaccessible areas, plus prevalent inclement muggy weather round the year. For catering to the needs of policemen, a central store cum workshop functioned at Port Blair police lines.
Locally stationed policemen were fairly lucky, since they could directly avail its services for issue of new cycles, or replacement of defective parts or even for routine servicing. Those posted to distant islands had to fend for themselves by replacing cycle parts through, ‘local purchases’, for cycles issued by their respective units.

On one occasion, one of our policemen at Car Nicobar replaced non-serviceable parts of his cycle through local purchase. He made a claim for money personally spent to the account office at Port Blair. Upset at not receiving timely payment, he sent a WT message mentioning details of his correspondence. Its final part was quite interesting.

“Replaced defective parts of my official cycle.
As per procedural practice, against purchase of my private parts”.
You cannot raise a such silly objection at this delayed stage.
Since amount is spent from my individual pocket, sanction without inordinate delay.Please understand my urgent personal plight.”

This straightaway hit the nail on the head, thus succeeding in getting the pending job successfully accomplished.

At one instance our Police Lookout Post (LOP) apprehended three Thai fishermen, who landed without permission on a remote island in a fragile boat. Police foot patrol was able to locate them, while these aliens were promenading in dangerous terrain in highly mysterious circumstances. Their mother ship kept manoeuvring out at a distance of a few km. in the open sea, fled away on viewing captivity of their partners.

Supervisor in charge of LOP, thereafter dispatched us a WT signal, narrating detention of these fishermen in a highly incoherent manner. This forced us to seek details regarding shoring of these Thais on a stormy Island in a small precarious vessel.

Incharge of  LOP, signaled back the dire circumstances of their landing. The concluding lines were superbly drafted.

“BARELY survived to reach the risky shore.
WHILE riding dangerously on their wobbly boat.
Bravely beating bulky waves with ordinary oars”.

This poetic answer was sufficient to satisfy the inquisitiveness of our probing investigations. I had to spend a considerable time correcting such bloopers received from various locations, by making them reader friendly, before forwarding these to senior officers for escaping wrath their displeasure.

( Author is the former Deputy Commissioner of Delhi Police. The story is based on his experiences during his posting with Andaman and Nicobar Police)